Are you wondering why is shadow work so painful?
Shadow work comes more naturally to some people. The people who do best with shadow work are those who are inclined to be intuitive or emotional. People who are very logical or those who don't think beyond superficialities will struggle to do shadow work.
Before I get more into why shadow work is painful, let's go over some key ideas.
What is shadow and what is shadow work?
The shadow is the side of yourself that's disconnected and unfelt. It's the part of yourself that's been rejected since childhood and you have no awareness of.
Shadow Work is integrating the entire spectrum of your being. It's the intentional process of admitting the parts of yourself you've ignored and repressed.
The shadow is the embodiment of potential that you’ve cast away and now need to integrate.
Admitting you have an unconscious shadow is the first step to be able to “see” it voluntarily.
Integrating the shadow, without biting off too much, is the real challenge. You want to start cultivating these shadow qualities in a safe and ritualized way in your waking life.
I recommend you check out shadow work prompts and beginner techniques.
Why is shadow work so painful?
You aren't ready for shadow work.
People are typically "called" to do shadow work when their time comes. This is usually around a time of tragedy. Because tragedy is essentially becoming aware of the shadow when it’s already too late to do anything about it.
This isn't always the case, but it's the typical experience for people who have gone too long without looking accurately within.
As you go through life you will enter and exit several phases. During your earliest phases, you won't be able to do any substantial shadow work since it requires life experience and enough time for retrospection.
In other phases, you actually can't bother to look within because you are too preoccupied with life outside of yourself. This is incredibly necessary since the outer world portrays itself as more pressing than your inner world.
Painful truths about yourself.
Doing shadow work and uncovering the unconscious side of your personality places great responsibility on oneself.
Failure to understand these qualities or a shirking of ethical responsibility deprives you of your wholeness and imposes a painful fragmentariness on your life.
True integration doesn't come from glossing over or repressing painful feelings. It only comes from experiencing them to the fullest.
An ongoing relationship is absolutely necessary for dealing with the shadow. Otherwise, its integration cannot be made.
Only in this painful way is it possible to gain a positive insight into the complex nature of one’s own personality.
All insight you make with your inner work must be converted into an ethical obligation – to live it in life.
What does the inner shadow want?
All your shadow wants is to be honored and its desires validated. But because much of what it wants isn't socially appropriate, you aren't able to nourish its demands 24/7.
For example, your shadow has a natural desire towards sadomasochism, power, destruction, and sexuality. But if you ran around doing all of these things willy-nilly you would quickly find yourself behind bars.
Instead, you need healthy outlets to express these desires safely. That's why I've done some research and found several shadow work exercises and techniques a beginner can do to validate their unconscious shadow.
What you can do instead to manage your unconscious desires
Shadow work means building a higher awareness of yourself. You do this because you want to manage your unconscious and how far it influences your life.
The following is a list of activities you can do to express typical shadow desires so you don't necessarily have to do any self-inquiry and introspection (for the time being).
I still recommend you learn the deepest truths about yourself. But until then, here are activities you can do to manage your unconscious desires:
- Read books that resonate or allow you to live vicariously
- Have a laugh to discover where your shadow desires reside
- Be useless if you are useless
- Embrace solitude if you are needy
- Write in a shadow work journal
- Engage in competition to express your desire to dominate
- Create something to express the shadow desire to "play God"
- Criticize others, preferably in privacy, to show you honor your own thoughts
- Express gratitude for what you have; you'd be surprised how your unconscious prevents you from moving forward for not being grateful
To get a better understanding of why these activities can help manage your unconscious desires, read:
- How Sadomasochism is Ruling Your Life Without Your Permission
- Shadow Work Exercises & Techniques for Beginners
Here are some resources I recommend:
A Light Among Shadows is a guide to self-love and being that helps you overcome negative self-talk, instill genuine self-acceptance, and overcome self-hate and resentment by making sense of people’s level of consciousness and your spirituality.
Shadow Work for Beginners Series helps you beat negative patterns and beliefs, integrate your shadow, heal your inner child, reclaim your projections, build emotional maturity, and take back your life by becoming whole.
Shadow Work for Relationship Series helps you heal your attachment style, navigate relationship issues, and build a healthy, mature relationship.
Advanced Shadow Work is an ongoing publication with continued in-depth insight and practical advice you won't find anywhere else on the internet for practicing shadow work, self-awareness, inner healing, spiritual development, and more!
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Book of Shadows (incl. Shadow Work Journal) is your own special journal that you fill up with your energetic intentions as you scribe your own inner practices to be passed down to others.
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Sensual Shadow Play is practiced through BDSM experiences. If you are 18+ and are interested, go here.
