The following blog posts were written on my original blog over five years ago. This article is part of my 37 Life Lessons From My Youth Series. Note: I’ve matured a lot since then and my “voice” has changed since. Enjoy.
You aren’t who you say you are. And you don’t portray the real you.
Like everyone else you were told to act this way and that way.
You learned to act a certain way. And this meant hiding and repressing socially ‘unpleasant’ parts of yourself.
You walk around with a mask of someone who is calm and in control of himself. Like you have it all together.
But underneath that mask is your other half.
The monster underneath that you restrain on a day-to-day basis.
This monster is angry, resentful, ashamed, scared, etc.
It’s been tucked away under your skin since you were a child. Banned by those who influenced you.
But that doesn’t mean it’s tamed. Like I said, it’s only repressed.
You’ve felt this monster before. And you’ve seen it show it’s face on other people.
The truth is – it can’t be eradicated.
The monster underneath your skin can’t be destroyed because it’s you.
The parts you’ve denied and hoped to wither away. Yet it remains latent and stirs when provoked.
The Inner Monster is Good, not Bad
You don’t allow yourself to act on your inner monster because you are taught to restrict by everyone else.
You are taught to be like everyone else.
People only want you to act accordingly so they can get what they want out of you. They want you to be another cog so they can get what they want.
Over time you lose your curiosity and excitement for life.
Look at the school systems. Children are being taught to act a certain way. Adhere to a strict schedule. Take life-sucking drugs if they can’t be still.
Over time you yearn for that same excitement you should’ve had as a child.
You start to gravitate outside of the norm. You want to break the rules. Let out what you’ve been holding in.
Experience the forbidden and unacceptable (drugs, sex, etc.)
6 Signals That Come From The Monster Underneath
It takes willpower to keep your dark side hidden. At times you can’t help but give it moments of release.
And it’s best that you are aware of these moments. In yourself and others.
This way you can understand a person as a whole. Rather than just the façade.
You’ll know a person reveals himself when his demeanor takes a dramatic change. Their voice and body shifts. The air feels different.
Take note of their emotions, what triggered it, and the mentality and thoughts they dispense.
Emotional Tantrums
I once knew a drug addict who was very touchy about her drug use.
Any comment that would so much as imply her excessive drug use made her throw a tantrum.
She’d start attacking the other person with harsh comments and biting insults.
Then she’d apologize to her friends about her cruel remarks. What they didn’t realize is that she meant what she said.
She held onto so much resentment towards something. Simply mentioning her drug use (problem) made her feel justified to act on that resentment and throw a tantrum.
Opposite Behavior
This is extremely easy to tell.
If someone proclaims their commitment and love for their significant other, but frequently cheats on the side – that’s the monster underneath.
If someone preaches freedom and love, but takes rights away and hurts people – that’s the monster underneath.
Check to see if someone says one thing, but does the opposite.
But don’t forget. This hidden side isn’t something that ‘shouldn’t exist’. It’s part of who you truly are.
Strong Denial
Sometimes people mean the opposite of what they say. They’re trying to keep the repressed side hidden.
Common examples include, but not limited to, are:
- “I hate you” = Why do I love you
- “Homos should die” = I like dick
- “We’re not having sex tonight” = You’re getting lucky
- “I don’t care what people think” = Please think I’m cool
Accidental Behavior
Someone says they’re not going to doing something, but they regularly mess up.
Like when someone blames their behavior on some uncontrollable sickness or addiction.
This isn’t bad luck. This is you, acting as you truly want to act.
Note: “Drunk minds speak sober thoughts”
Ride or Die Conviction
This is especially powerful. Because if you believe in your cause strongly enough – you will believe your atrocities are for the greater good.
You think it’s okay to commit crimes, steal, and hurt people because your cause is worth the damage.
In actuality your cause helps cover up the person you truly are.
Projection
“Haters make me famous”
People despise others for having what they don’t have. They’re envious.
They despise you because you have it and they don’t.
So to make themselves feel better about it, they shun you for it. And they act as if not having it somehow makes them a better person.
How Do I Embrace This Part of Myself?
You start by being aware of it.
Then be aware that you were taught to hide this side of yourself.
You were taught not to show ambition, confidence, and stick out. Instead you were taught to stand back and humble yourself.
Being too nice for so long made you lose your backbone. So you became weak, indecisive, and meek,
When you were a child you didn’t restrain yourself like this.
As a child you used to stand your ground and demand your desires.
But you lost that angst as you gave in too often or never got your way.
Ask yourself this – Are successful people bound to this humbling code of conduct everyone else follows?
No.
Because they weren’t afraid to embrace their darker side. To stand their ground and stick out.
So how do you undo your failure now?
Easy.
There are 5 simple steps to embracing your inner monster:
Hold Your Own Opinions. If you have any thoughts , respect those ideas. Use your personal experience and sound judgment to form opinions on life yourself. Does someone else have their own opinion? That’s nice. Trust yourself with the answers you come up with. Your thoughts must always be valued higher than the thoughts of others.
Assert Yourself & Don’t Compromise Yourself. If you want something a certain way, say so. Don’t settle for less. If you ask for coke, but they only have pepsi, say “no, I want coke”.
Care Less of What Others Think of You. You won’t like everyone and everyone won’t like you. Keep it simple – “I only want to be around people who like me for me”. If they don’t like you, oh well. Their loss.
Use Your Inner Monster When The Opportunity Presents Itself. Is someone being unjust to you? Getting in your way? Hurting you? Reveal yourself to them. Hand them the anger, resentment, and loathing you have towards them. Be proud and hurt them back. Don’t stand their and just take it. Be more treacherous than they are – the one with the strongest will wins.
Be Immature & Criticize the Idiocy and Hypocrisy in Others. Tell the truth. Don’t spare feelings. Tell the truth. Shit all over the conventional wisdom that the sheep willfully accept and that gets them nowhere. After all, the thoughts they share aren’t even theirs.
Now You Are Your Whole Being
You show both sides of yourself now. You are a more complete, authentic being.
And now you hold a freedom that many others will never get the chance to achieve.
Which is a shame. As everyone carries a shadow.
What will you do with yours?
