In this post, we’ll be going over ideas about shadow work for jealousy.
First, let’s quickly go over what shadow and shadow work is.
What is Shadow Self & Shadow Work?
Your shadow self, or shadow, is the side of yourself you have no awareness of. It holds all the qualities you disowned during your formative years.
Although you learned to repress these qualities and push them outside of your awareness, they still live underneath the surface.
They unconsciously guide your actions and are the unseen cause for many of the troubles in your life.
Shadow work is the intentional practice of becoming aware of your unconscious shadow and integrating these neglected qualities into your being—becoming whole.
This is a process of building self-awareness, self-acceptance, and universal Love.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”Carl Jung
Shadow Work for Jealousy
Although everyone experiences envy, it’s usually connected to narcissism.
Sometimes when someone is deeply wounded in their formative years, they lose connection with their inner resources.
This results in a false personality. Which looks at society to decide what to gather for status and power. This person does this in hopes of feeling valuable at some point.
When this person comes in contact with someone perceived as “higher status,” a sense of dread is activated in the unconscious.
The envious person then projects and demonizes the “higher status” person as a source of pain and targets them.
Note that the narcissistic types live in a lower consciousness world that is a perpetual power struggle.
How Envy Relates to Jealousy
By attacking the other person and undermining them, they feel their sense of power is restored and are relieved from their inner dread.
Envy comes from the belief that one is insufficient. Especially when compared to someone else.
This can be evident that the ego is very disconnected from its higher Self—
Because the persona is built on an empty structure that only reflects what’s observed to be high status (extrinsically), with little to no observation of the fulfilling inner resources (intrinsically).
- Jealousy is wanting what someone else has.
- Envy is destructive; “If I can’t have it, no one can.”
They are putting others down to make themselves feel okay.
Introspection is dangerous to envy because that’s what much of their persona is based on.
And because their persona is based on their surroundings, they have no way of pulling from resources within. So they are in a constant state of some sort of deprivation.
Confronting the Self would then because for an existential crisis followed by gained consciousness.
Jealousy helps you discover what you desire and deeply yearn for. It’s full of feeling and even points to a potential reserve of energy.
Envy is destructive and lacks feeling—it’s a blip on the radar of perpetual power struggle.
Shadow Beliefs about Desires
Many people carry underlying beliefs that they are not allowed to want certain things.
Because of this shadow belief, they lack a healthy level of entitlement—not that they simply deserve it, but that they are allowed to desire and go after it.
“I’m not an expert.”
“I think I’d want that, but it’s not important…”
“Who am I to do that?”
“I’m not special enough to do that.”
Becoming aware of these beliefs is part of shadow work for jealousy. Be sure to also see if you have any other common inner child wounds.
Developing Self In Childhood
At some point, a child learns that the whole world doesn’t revolve around them.
They notice that mom and dad have their own relationship with each other that they have no part of.
This is usually when a child experiences both love and anger for their parent(s), along with the disappointment that they won’t always get what they want.
Jealousy Energizes Us
Discovering what you want through jealousy feels like a heart drop. Where you gain the emotional energy to go after what you’ve discovered could be yours despite a subtle (or strong) feeling of disappointment in the background.
However, envy doesn’t feel any disappointment. Instead, the person can become furious and find ways to damage or devalue what they perceive challenges their own self-worth.
Jealousy in Romance
People can become jealous when they’re in a relationship with someone.
They may wonder what their partner is thinking when an attractive person is present. Or they can’t stop thinking about what their partner is doing when they aren’t around.
These thoughts can be either rational or irrational.
But they do relate to how jealousy arises in us in childhood:
“Why would he want to be with her instead of me!”
Except instead of dad and mom, it’s boyfriend/girlfriend and another.
This sort of jealousy comes equipped with a fear of abandonment, loss of self-esteem, disappointment, etc.
Jealousy, in this sense, is activated to protect a source of yours. Thus, competing for a “scarce resource.”
The Greatest Cure is a Sense of Being Enough
Where you are content no matter where the chips land because your sense of fulfillment is not external.
And you’ve learned to tolerate the yearnings that haven’t been met. Because it is this yearning that is the connection with your ego and higher Self.
The connection is the yearning, not necessarily the ending acquisition.
This existential awareness is what develops emotional maturity, intuition, and self-love.
Here are some resources I recommend:
Shadow Work for Beginners is based on my in-depth research and personal experiences with shadow work, projection, sadomasochism, inner child healing, triggers, and all things shadow. This resource gets updated at no additional cost.
A Light Among Shadows is a guide on self-love and being. This series goes over consciousness, spirituality, philosophy, and makes sense of why people are the way they are. Recommended for anyone dealing with resentment and self-hate. Learn more here.
Shadow Work for Relationships teaches you everything you need to know about attachment theory, practical inner work, and your dysfunctional behavior. By the end of this, you will have developed your earned secure attachment style so you can put an end to your cycle of bad relationships.
Shadow Work Journal: 240 Daily Shadow Work Prompts contains inner work exercises related to relationships, anger, anxiety, self-love, healing trauma, abandonment issues, depression, forgiveness, etc.
Self-Love Subliminal for self-hypnotism that will help you change your behavior and gain self-love, self-awareness, better relationships, greater health, and improve your creativity.
Shadow Play (or “DsR”) is a sister website that goes over “sensual” shadow work through BDSM experiences. If you are 18+ and are interested, go here.
Mindful & Mending is a small website that’s about self-hypnosis, affirmations, auto-suggestion, and more techniques & tools to help you shift your unconscious mind. Check it out here.