Shadow Work for Abandonment Issues

We'll be going over some ideas about shadow work for abandonment issues.

But first, we need to make sure you understand a few important things.

What is Shadow Self & Shadow Work?

Your shadow self, or shadow, is the side of yourself you have no awareness of. It holds all the qualities you disowned during your formative years.

Although you learned to repress these qualities and push them outside of your awareness, they still live underneath the surface.

They unconsciously guide your actions and are the unseen cause for many of the troubles in your life.

Shadow work is the intentional practice of becoming aware of your unconscious shadow and integrating these neglected qualities into your being—becoming whole.

This is a process of building self-awareness, self-acceptance, and universal Love.

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
Carl Jung

NEXT READ: Everything About Shadow Work (Comprehensive In-Depth Guide)

Shadow Work for Abandonment Issues

Attachment theory tells us that the attachment style we build with our caregivers will reflect how we relate to others later in life.

This is why childhood abandonment can highly impact the psyche.

However, "being abandoned" is part of the human experience. We only hope that it's in small enough doses that it builds independence rather than foster neurotic co-dependency or fear of engulfment.

Less obvious signs of abandonment would be the parent's lack of resonating emotionally with a child. Leaving the child feeling alone.

Sometimes the demoralizing effort of the parent trying to soothe their child to no avail may lead to less effort because the parent isn't building the sense of attachment with their child.

Coping with Abandonment

This can lead to a child's psyche developing an image of "parent" that isn't a source of security, attachment, and fulfillment.

Instead of associating these parental qualities to a "mother" or "father" image, a child may instead associate these parental qualities and expectations onto a different image which better provides a parental experience.

This is why a person may actually associate a television show about a family with these qualities. They are vicariously experiencing security, attachment, and fulfillment through the show's characters—

This coping mechanism is the mind's way of soothing itself for not receiving these needs in real life.

The vicarious experience helps build a fantasy where a person is their own stand-in for their emotional needs. However, they counter-intuitively give themselves their own emotional needs via an "other" that may not be a real presence.

You can refer to this as a type of transference. The expectations of "parent" aren't being met by actual parents, so they are instead projected onto an "other," allowing the person to self-soothe; tv shows, imaginary friend, God.

This is the mind's desperate attempt to grasp anything that will serve as a positive parental image.

However, an entirely different person can also serve as a parental figure. Which would give the child's psyche a completely different image to project parental qualities onto, an image many children wouldn't share.

But most adults, whether related or not, would simply have the child refer to them as "mom," "dad," "uncle," "grandma," or some other typical familial name for the sake of simplicity.

However, this could taint the actual parent's image with qualities such as negligence, disappointment, rejection, etc.

Inner Child Wounds & Shadow Beliefs

Your early attachments can create a lifelong pattern of unhealthy insufficiency. Or you can create a lifelong pattern of growth and healthy adaptability—thanks to having a childhood full of feelings of security.

For example, an ambivalent relationship with one's mother can lead a person to believe that the helpfulness of others is an implied message towards their own incompetency; "I don't need your help!".

Without proper grief work of a parent's inadequacy, the person cannot experience longing without experiencing the associated feelings of neglect.

This can be a source of a trigger for some people. Where they will attack feelings of longing. Because they've disowned it within themselves to prevent having to experience inner pain and doing griefwork.

Here is a quick list of triggers / curative integrations:

Caretaking / Compassion
Dependency / Sensible Trusting
Neediness / Willingness to ask for personal needs

If you are triggered by a quality on the left side of the slash, you need to integrate the quality on the right side.

Because the right side is what is actually going on. But since you've repressed this quality within yourself, you lack an inner "point of reference."

So your perception of these qualities isn't accurate. At least until you integrate these qualities into your personality.

As an adult, you cannot be abandoned. Because you are not powerless anymore like you were as a child.

So when you "feel abandoned," you are actually re-experiencing an inner child wound. A period of time frozen in your psyche because you could not fully process the emotions you were feeling.

As a child, being abandoned is like being punished for having needs. Specifically a need for understanding and attachment.

This can lead up to a person not developing a healthy, assertive ego. Which eventually builds up into a habit of self-abandonment.

This prevents a person's ability to develop discernment and results in falling prey to people who are not well-intentioned.

The shadow belief behind all of this is that identifying your own needs threatens your own survival because you are made vulnerable to being abandoned again.

It's by doing griefwork, "becoming your own parent," or even "forfeiting" your traumatized childhood identity that you heal your inner child wounds and mend your psyche.

As a result, you learn to give yourself fulfillment and the self-love you have always sought from others.

Check out Shadow Work Prompts for Abandonment Issues here.

It is by doing the inner work that you will no longer fear that your loved ones won't be there for you when you need it—

Instead, you will feel confident that your loved ones will be there for you when you need them.

Even in the case they are not—you know you will be there.

And deep down, you'll already understand that's all you'll ever truly need.

Here are some resources I recommend:

A Light Among Shadows is a guide to self-love and being that helps you overcome negative self-talk, instill genuine self-acceptance, and overcome self-hate and resentment by making sense of people’s level of consciousness and your spirituality.

Shadow Work for Beginners Series helps you beat negative patterns and beliefs, integrate your shadow, heal your inner child, reclaim your projections, build emotional maturity, and take back your life by becoming whole.

Shadow Work for Relationship Series helps you heal your attachment style, navigate relationship issues, and build a healthy, mature relationship.

Advanced Shadow Work is an ongoing publication with continued in-depth insight and practical advice you won't find anywhere else on the internet for practicing shadow work, self-awareness, inner healing, spiritual development, and more!

Approved Tools

Tarot Cards (incl. Manifestation Manual ebook) provide insight and intuitive guidance for personal growth and decision-making.

Chakra Crystals (incl. Ancestral Healing ebook) can bring balance and harmony to your mind, body, and spirit.

Book of Shadows (incl. Shadow Work Journal) is your own special journal that you fill up with your energetic intentions as you scribe your own inner practices to be passed down to others.

Subliminal Bundle uses different hypnosis tracks to subconsciously improve your health, love life, motivation, self-love and much more.

These products are not affiliate links, we do not get a commission when you purchase these tools. We are supportive of our partnership with Sinful Goods for offering small websites a chance to promote their brands.

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