How do I find my shadow self? The answer: You don’t find it, it’s already within you.
However, there are nine specific ways for you to identify your shadow.
But before we get started, let’s make sure you understand a few things.
What is Shadow Self & Shadow Work?
Your shadow self, or shadow, is the side of yourself you have no awareness of. It holds all the qualities you disowned during your formative years.
Although you learned to repress these qualities and push them outside of your awareness, they still live underneath the surface.
They unconsciously guide your actions and are the unseen cause for many of the troubles in your life.
Shadow work is the intentional practice of becoming aware of your unconscious shadow and integrating these neglected qualities into your being—becoming whole.
This is a process of building self-awareness, self-acceptance, and universal Love.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Carl Jung
NEXT READ: Everything About Shadow Work (Comprehensive In-Depth Guide)
How Do I Find My Shadow Self?
1) Projection
Projection is unconsciously taking qualities you don’t want in yourself and attributing those qualities to someone else.
Since projection is easier than assimilation, we tend to direct these qualities outside of us. But when we project these qualities outside of ourselves we become less than whole.
A good example of someone who is projecting would be a person who claims that everyone is jealous of them.
I know a guy who is just like this. Whenever he doesn’t like the person he badmouths them behind their back and claims that they’re jealous of him.
If he said this about one or two maybe three people, then yes, I’d probably believe him, but it seems like he describes everyone like this.
Ironically, what you’ll notice is that it’s very easy to tell when he is jealous. You can see it plainly on his face.
He projects the emotion of jealousy onto others because he’s disowned that part of himself. Since he’s disowned his jealousy, the only way that he can access it is indirectly.
Through a distorted belief that he can read minds, he makes the claim that many people are jealous of him.
Ultimately, if you find somebody who attributes a certain quality to many people, chances are that person is projecting.
Learn more about projection psychology here.
2) Humor
All laughter comes from the shadow because laughter is a form of repressed sadism.
You can get a better understanding of your personal shadow by paying special attention to what makes you laugh uncontrollably.
This is typically a signal of what you wouldn’t do but would like to do.
So if you want to get to know your shadow better, pay attention to your favorite stand-up comedians. Dissect your favorite jokes to see exactly what it is that makes you giggle.
However, a person who strongly represses their shadow will generally lack a sense of humor.
Instead, she will not find the joke humorous and act judgmental towards the subject.
3) Neuroticism
Keep in mind that some neuroticism can be related to a mental illness or substance abuse. These topics are outside the scope of this blog.
Keep in mind that the unconscious will create neurotic symptoms to push a person towards inner work.
This is because depression and anxiety can come from not being who you truly are—from playing a role.
A person like this can have a very black and dense shadow because they are so inhibited
A very notable trait of a neurotic person is that they will seek to blame others for their actions.
And because they are too engulfed by nervous energy, they will act badly without feeling responsible for their actions.
4) Sadism
The standard definition of sadism is that it’s an expression of destruction and power. But for our purposes, sadism is the desire to affect others.
Sadistic qualities include bullying others, aggressiveness, competitiveness, passive aggressiveness, imposing one’s will, and so on.
5) Masochism
The standard definition of masochism is an expression of pleasure to being humiliated and receiving pain. But for our purposes, masochism is the desire to be affected or to be prodded.
Some examples of masochism include workaholism, getting “triggered”, high submissiveness, pacifism, and more.
Learn more about sado masochism here.
6) Body Language
The body is always conveying what the unconscious mind is saying.
I suggest picking a book, and learning how to read body language. That way you can learn to pick up on all the unconscious messages that people are sending out to you during conversation. And you’ll have a better read of their shadow.
I’ve gotten called out for my body language in the past. Although internally I’m a “live and let live”, mellow guy, my body language says otherwise.
People have told me that I look intimidating. That I seem to stand and walk with pride and conceit. And that I hold myself as if I’m better than others.
I can tell you right now that is not the type of dialogue that goes through my head—but I’m not complaining.
7) Dreams
Your shadow can appear in your dreams, and it can appear in your imaginary vision.
Typically, the shadow is going to show up as the same sex as yourself. And naturally, you’re going to want to avoid the shadow.
However, if you do spot your shadow within your mind’s eye. It’s definitely something that you should try to look into. Because your unconscious is trying to make you aware of something.
It might be important, and your shadow doesn’t lie.
8) Dysfunctional Relationships
Most people aren’t aware that they’ve been replaying the same unconscious roles since childhood.
You might notice that people repeat the same patterns among their relationships and their way of relating to people is built on unconscious beliefs.
People who consistently have dysfunctional relationships are disturbed. They aren’t aware that they are reliving the same patterns that they have been all their life.
A good example of this would be a girl who keeps getting in relationships with terrible men. Or a man who keeps getting in relationships with very loose women.
Without knowing it, these people are unconsciously attracting the types of people who benefit and match with their unconscious beliefs.
Learn more about inner child healing here.
9) Immaturity
Immaturity includes not understanding one’s own emotions and not setting boundaries.
When someone feels the following emotions, it means that their shadow is manifesting their unconscious desires.
These beliefs are betrayal, abandonment, rejection, disappointment, humiliation, and isolation.
This is lack of maturity and acceptance for the shadow brings about these unconscious, dysfunctional relationships into a person’s life.
A person only has these emotions because they unconsciously want to feel these emotions.
I know that’s hard to wrap your head around, but it is the truth.
With enough shadow work, you’ll be able to introspect and shake off these immature beliefs that the unconscious rises out of you.
Recommended Resources
A Light Among Shadows is a guide to self-love and being that helps you overcome negative self-talk, instill genuine self-acceptance, and overcome self-hate and resentment by making sense of people’s level of consciousness and your spirituality.
Shadow Work for Beginners Series helps you beat negative patterns and beliefs, integrate your shadow, heal your inner child, reclaim your projections, build emotional maturity, and take back your life by becoming whole.
Shadow Work for Relationship Series helps you heal your attachment style, navigate relationship issues, and build a healthy, mature relationship.
Advanced Shadow Work is an ongoing publication with continued in-depth insight and practical advice you won’t find anywhere else on the internet for practicing shadow work, self-awareness, inner healing, spiritual development, and more!
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Book of Shadows (incl. Shadow Work Journal) is your own special journal that you fill up with your energetic intentions as you scribe your own inner practices to be passed down to others.
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