The following blog posts were written on my original blog over five years ago. This article is part of my 37 Life Lessons From My Youth Series. Note: I’ve matured a lot since then and my “voice” has changed since. Enjoy.
If you’ve been given the silent treatment before, then you understand the frustration of dealing with someone who refuses to tell you what’s bothering them.
She puts up a barrier in your communication with her. She won’t let you in. So you squirm trying to have her speak up and alleviate your frustration.
Well let go of that frustration, it’s stupid. Because it’s all a game.
When they know that you’re squirming, then you’ve just given them your power in the relationship.
No more.
Aside from being emotional abuse. It’s an indication of another, much bigger problem.
A problem that never came across your mind. Are you ready to know what the real problem is?
It’s simple.
They’re not that committed to you
“But what do you mean?” You ask. “Maybe he/she is just upset and needs time to think about it”
Think about what exactly? Ask yourself, do you even know what the problem is? Do you know what the issue is that is bothering him/her?
If she won’t tell you what the problem is, then why are you the problem?
The answer is that you’re not the problem. Her reasons for not telling you what’s upsetting her don’t matter.
You can’t read minds. No one can. Believing that you should be able to read her mind is a fairytale at best, and toxic entitlement at worst.
Let’s go back to when I said, the real issue is that she’s not that committed to you.
If you’re committed to making a relationship work out and you sense a problem what would you do?
Specifically, what would a COMMITTED person do?
Someone who truly commits may be upset, but will let themselves be heard.
“I felt like you were being disrespectful to me when you said _”,
“You know what? I can’t stand when you _”,
“I don’t feel comfortable when you hang out with _”.
Someone who truly commits to making the relationship work out voices their concerns.
Even if it’s difficult, because the most important things are the hardest to say.
But they state what bothers them so that there’s a path towards a solution.
It’s that simple. A committed person voices the issue, works on the issue, and makes the relationship work.
What does a non-committed person do?
Silence.
If you’re lucky, they’ll lie to you and give brief answers to brush you off.
A noncommitted person isn’t worth the frustration. Because a noncommitted person isn’t taking you seriously in the first place.
And what happens as a result of the noncommitted person not voicing their concerns, or in other words, not standing up for what they believe is right?
They grow resentful, sulk, and let their feelings for you die.
And when feelings die, especially in regards to women, the relationship dies.
When all they had to do was stand up to you and tell you what’s bothering them.
So let go of your frustration. Take note that the person just isn’t that committed to you. Do you really want to be with that person anyway?
It’s best that they voice their concerns. And if that’s something you two can’t resolve then at least you know that maybe you both aren’t a good match after all.
Final Checkpoint
In short, someone who doesn’t voice their needs is someone who won’t commit to the relationship. Someone who doesn’t make themselves heard is someone who doesn’t take responsibility of their own life.
We’ve all dealt with the indecisive and the uncommitted. Don’t waste your time.
And this can apply to any cause or relationship.
So have relationships with people who commit to making things work and who commit to their cause.
Stay away from those who won’t take control of their lives and instead shift the blame on others.
Your life belongs to you, and your precious time and energy is too valuable to spend on weaklings who refuse to use their words.
