The following blog posts were written on my original blog over five years ago. This article is part of my 37 Life Lessons From My Youth Series. Note: I’ve matured a lot since then and my “voice” has changed since. Enjoy.
Do you want to know how to remove toxic people from your life so you can live happier and be greater? Of course you do.
Most of us already know that we should steer clear from toxicity. But not everyone knows how to spot a toxic person or how to forgive themselves for being around one for so long.
We’ll go over both of those topics. But first you need to know (1) why you shouldn’t put up with toxicity and (2) why you did in the first place.
Why you should remove toxic people from your life.
As a general rule, people don’t change unless their own life circumstances demand it. And when you are someone who tolerates toxicity, it’s a safe bet that you won’t be a source of their change.
Here’s the truth you need to know –
All the toxicity you put up with isn’t worth it.
Read that line again.
All the toxicity you put up with isn’t worth it.
This is serious.
People who behave like this subconsciously make you believe they have something to offer.
What they deliver is underwhelming and the value you’re holding out for doesn’t exist. Their toxicity and superior attitude is unfounded. You were deceived by the act, the illusion.
You’ve mistaken a vampire for a magician.
You sat down for a drink with a vampire in hopes of learning tricks-of-the-trade and a magician’s secret.
Only to realize you’ve been drinking their poison straight out of your glass. While you poured your own life’s blood into theirs.
Before you learn how to remove toxic people from your life, you must remind yourself that the world is better than you think.
Answer the following two questions honestly:
(1) Are you a kind-hearted person?
(2) Have you been around cool, decent people?
If you can honestly say that deep down you’re a good-hearted person, there’s a high chance you attract narcissists. That’s right, you attract narcissists.
You may have been brought up to follow their lead. The same way they’ve been raised to take your lead. Both being on opposing sides of the social spectrum due to unconscious programming.
When you’re frequently around toxicity, you forget that you’ve met many cool and nice people in your life. Toxic people are capable of leaving big impressions on your idea of humanity like that. Even worse, they leave you with shitty ideas about yourself.
This is why they are toxic. This is why they are “spiritual vampires”.
How do you know if you’re around a toxic person?
Rate your interactions on a scale of 1 – 5
1 = Toxic | 5 = Healthy
This idea of rating your interactions comes from this article on Mike Cernovich’s blog. I also highly recommend his book Gorilla Mindset.
Have you seen the dead look in people’s eyes? People with “soulless” eyes are almost incapable of living in the moment. Instead they are focusing on an inner pain.
This inner pain is caused by excess cortisol and leads to depression. When you fall into depression you stop taking action.
This is why it’s important to stay away from people who leave you feeling worse in every interaction. They get dopamine for poisoning you.
You need distance. Learn to despise these people so you can have energy to move forward. Rather than spend the finite energy you have on trying to stay afloat.
How to forgive yourself, drink the antidote, and move forward with your life.
To forgive yourself you must be able to conjure up a life lesson that you can apply for the rest of your life. Otherwise, you’ll judge yourself for foolishly paying a high price for nothing.
Your ego needs a takeaway from the experience to justify being in that situation in the first place. It also needs it to be a different lesson than any you’ve had before.
Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned by being put through these types of situations:
- You can’t control another person’s actions
- People’s hearts are as different as their thumbprints
- Not all family members are worth having around
- You need to establish your boundaries
Now is the time to seriously filter the people you surround yourself with. Because if you don’t, they’ll give you a toxic view of the world and yourself.
After you reconcile with yourself you’ll understand that wounds take time to heal. Give it time. Enforce your life lesson and stay away from the problem.
The lifelong treatment to living a happier life after you remove toxic people.
Most of your problems exist in the mind. Feelings of anger, sadness, resentment all come from stories you replay in your head.
One of the most underrated skills of all time is the ability to set the mind aside.
You can reconcile with your mind by negotiating the value you received for the price you paid. Which will help you with self-forgiveness and soul-suffocating obsession.
After you’re done negotiating with the mind, it’s important that you set it aside and simply be in the moment. Remind yourself that the moment is all that matters now.
When you can train yourself to set the mind aside you will free yourself from disappointing pasts and fearful futures. Instead you will be able to live more happily in the moment.
