How to INFJ: A Guide on Being the Rarest Personality Type & Successfully Navigating the World

The following blog posts were written on my original blog over five years ago. This article is part of my 37 Life Lessons From My Youth Series. Note: I’ve matured a lot since then and my “voice” has changed since. Enjoy.

If you find this video incredibly relatable, you are currently an INFJ.

This articles serves to help this particular personality type.

Introduction

Hey guys, this is Richard and today I’m going to be talking about how to INFJ. Basically, really figure out what kind of person you are, as in what are your strengths, your weaknesses, and how to solve those weaknesses to fill in those gaps so you can fit in the world better and get further in life.

Now the thing about INFJs is that we’re the rarest personality type around. Apparently out of the population only about 2% are INFJ.

Now let me tell you a bit about me. My name is Richard, I am an XX year old male and I think I have some pretty good advice for people who are INFJ like me. I’ve done a quick search INFJ’s and communities like on reddit. And I noticed a lot of these people have similar mentalities and have dealt with much of the same issues that I have.

It made me realize that the problems and solutions I write about on my blog turn out to be pretty specific to INFJs, as well as people who have similar personalities and have high empathy, or are naturally inclined to be idealistic. So that’s why I’m actually making this video today. I want to make sure that people who are more like us get this message and get the help they need.

To put it in perspective, for every 100 people there are only two of us going through this particular journey. And right now, that’s you and I. I just want you to know that although everything here comes from me, all of it is for you.

I have gone through my own problems and I’ve figured a lot of things out. And I’m hoping you guys can take something out and use it to improve your own lives.

Remember there’s, there’s not that many of us and I think we should all help each other out as much as we can. We are natural givers. And I hope that you guys will actually take what I have to say, and apply it to your own lives. And, you know, avoid the mistakes I’ve made so you can live a little bit better and hopefully share and build upon the ideas you learn today.

Part One: Introverted Intuition

Intro

This is part one of the INFJ primary functions, here to help out anyone who is INFJ or anyone with a similar personality. You’ll learn the good, the bad, the ugly, and how to fix any weaknesses so you can better navigate through this world.

What is Introverted Intuition?

Since you have introverted intuition as one of your primary functions, you’ll find that you spend most of your time in your head. This means that you’ll struggle to be in the present moment. Instead you’ll ponder and live for the future and spend time being analytical about the past.

You’ll have more focus on your mind and less focus on physical life. So you’ll find yourself preoccupied with thoughts, ideas, and concepts.

This high interest in ideas and information also makes you much more likely to be a creative. Where you will focus more on the big picture and boil everything down to fundamental concepts.

You are also more tuned in with a heightened sense of intuition. And there are various ways that people try to explain intuition online. My favorite way of describing intuition is that you will know things instinctively before you understand them consciously.

So basically your mind already has a subconscious understanding of patterns, and when it recognizes a pattern or a pattern being disrupted, you get a weird feeling. You might hear me refer to intuition as a “gut feeling”, which is reactive. Or I might call it an “inner voice”, which is proactive, where you feel you are being called to do something out of some unexplainable sense of internal obligation.

It’s this intuition, mixed with our rich inner world, that attracts us to subjects like spirituality and humanities.

What You Need to Know

You need to know that your high intuition is a huge asset that you need to hone.

I understand that online media pushes the idea that you need to be very careful and reasonable about all of your thinking. And yes, correct thinking and proper planning are extremely important for long-term ventures, but a heightened intuition is a huge gift that lets you make those daily quick calls and you should embrace it.

You need to learn to trust your intuition. You need to learn what your intuition feels like. Because it tends to be very reliable and very accurate.

Let’s say you get an “off” feeling about someone or something. You can either rationalize that feeling away and stick around, or you can listen to it and keep a distance.

I recommend that if you get an “off” feeling about something, to keep a safe distance from whatever set you off from that point on. Because if you brush off your intuition, by the time you are consciously aware of what set you off, it may already be too late.

In a weird sense, your intuition is telling you what you know, way before you know that you know. I know that sounds confusing, but think of your intuition as a right-hand man who is very good at judging first impressions. Except it can’t communicate with you verbally, so it instead gives you unexplainable feelings or sensations.

As a quick side note, I personally believe that certain personality types like ours have minds that are much more susceptible to auto-suggestion, or affirmations, since a strong intuition has a stronger connection with the subconscious unconscious mind.

I recommend trying out subliminals and form an opinion yourself as to whether or not they work. I can personally say that repeating my own affirmations can also give me a sense of control and accountability. I can go on record to say auto-suggestion techniques do modify your behavior on a level that isn’t conscious, since the mind does like to process ideas in the background. To the point that my voice will get deeper, my body more relaxed, and take a more intentional approach to life.

Back to intuition, I do want to mention that the more experienced and older you get, the more reliable your intuition becomes. Not only because you’ve possible been there and done that. But because feelings do get old, and over time you get better at differentiating feelings from your “gut instinct”.

To drive the point home, you really want to hone, develop, and understand your intuition. Not only to spot opportunities, but so you can also protect yourself from trouble and toxic people, which we’ll go into now in part two.

Part Two: Extraverted Feeling

Intro

This is part two of the INFJ primary functions, here to help out anyone who is INFJ or anyone with a similar personality. You’ll learn the good, the bad, the ugly, and how to fix any weaknesses so you can better navigate through this world.

If you’re just tuning in, I recommend you listen to Part One first, since we’ll be going over how using your introverted intuition is crucial to your extraversion, or social, tendencies.

Before we get started

I do want to mention that I will be addressing the more extreme side of the INFJ Extraverted Feeling function. The qualities I will be going over will be very relatable to similar personality types, however I’ll also be mentioning psychological topics such as narcissism and codependency.

I do see that most INFJs tend to have experience with people with personality disorders, narcissists, sociopaths, etc. From this point on I will refer to those problematic people as “toxic people”. And I do want to mention that I was raised in an abusive environment by a narcissist, so I can lend my own insight to people who are new to that side of reality, and I truly truly hope that you get what you need from this section to live a more healthier, happier life. I do believe this will be the most important part of this series.

Let’s get started.

What is Extraverted Feeling?

So as a personality type with a high extraverted feeling, you do have a desire to connect with people a certain way. Making you more of an extroverted introvert.

You naturally approach life from a high empathy, very idealistic worldview. Which is actually very weird to most personality types. Especially when you stack this with your unique style of thinking which we go over in Parts One and Three.

This is problematic because being good-hearted inherently makes you less manipulative, malicious, and cunning. As opposed to much of the other personality types, which lean in that direction in varying degrees. The people with personality disorders being the most manipulative, malicious, and cunning.

You have such high empathy that you are naturally considerate of other people. You may go out of your way to make them more comfortable. You like to consider humankind as a whole, so you promote group harmony. You will try to guide people’s emotions in order to smooth over any issues. You may go so far as to be a martyr for the people you care about.

Deep talks can also get pretty animated and motivational – to improve harmony and group morale.

What you need to know

This is the worst part of being an INFJ if you are a man. Because if you have adopted people-pleasing behavior, it’s very unbecoming for adult life.

Like I mentioned before, you naturally approach life from an idealistic point of view, this is because, whether you know it or not, you have very high empathy. This is a HUGE problem because most people don’t care anywhere near as much about ideals or morals as you do.

This is what makes people believe the INFJ is naive and gullible.

If you are an experienced INFJ, chances are you are not naive or gullible. But because you prefer social harmony, you choose to walk around with your ‘eyes wide shut’. Meaning that you are completely aware of individual people’s pathologies, but as long as those tendencies aren’t toxifying the environment, you choose not to bring it up to keep things running smoothly.

A person with a bit of experience understands that nobody is perfect. This is reality.

This is why you want to listen to your intuition when coming across new people. You might get a quick read on someone’s pathology and get an idea how close you can be or how distant you should be.

This is important, because when people are less moralistic than you, you will lose. Most people don’t care about right or wrong anywhere close to the way you may have used to. And unlike you, most people avoid taking up responsibility for their actions. It’s honestly very, very pathetic.

Here’s another sad truth about INFJ’s. Although we care about connecting with people, we are also the misunderstood 2% of the population.

You are more likely to be a lone wolf, which sucks because your high empathy makes you an introvert that wants social interaction and a sense of belonging.

Not fitting in and not wanting to be lonely, stacked with everything else embedded in your personality, is the reason why you are susceptible to the dreaded INFJ curse – attracting narcissists.

What you need to do

Now there is a lot of advice to go over that will cover a variety of topics. This includes boundaries, filtering out toxic people, how to fit in a bit more, loneliness, etc. All of these will actually go against your inclined extraverted feeling so that you can be a much healthier person and avoid “the curse”.

First, we’ll go over boundaries. There’s a lot that can go into boundaries, but I’m going to boil it down to the basic advice that any people-pleasers and push-overs can understand.

Here it is:

Do what is your responsibility
Don’t do what is not your responsibility

How do you protect these boundaries? You say “no”. Here are some rules of thumb:

If it’s not your responsibility, you say “no”
If it’s a ridiculous request, you say “no”
When you feel unsure, you say “no”

People who have extremely high empathy or were raised by a parent who is toxic, may actually have zero concept of boundaries. For example, I honestly didn’t know anything about these boundaries until I was 24. Absolutely zero idea.

It’s shitty because it’s such a weird phenomena to most people, that if you were to tell this to them, they would have absolutely zero concept of how a person wouldn’t know. Which I think is very telling about a person’s upbringing.

If you have had no concept of boundaries, about where you begin and end, chances are you had your ability to self-trust beaten out of you. Because everyone intuitively has some idea of boundaries, but after a toxic person trains you not to trust yourself, your intuition becomes a source of pain instead of power.

Don’t let this happen to you. Listen to Part One of the series and make sure you protect your boundaries.

~

Something else you also need to learn is to not be considerate.

The reason why INFJ’s can be described as gullible and naive is because their high empathy and willingness to consider others makes them useful idiots.

And I understand that’s hard to hear, but it’s true. Someone who has high empathy tends to be more considerate of others and try to make others feel as comfortable as possible.

If you have this habit, you need to stop doing it. A few signs that you’re this type of person is if you tend to grab an extra coffee for a coworker, simply because you were getting yourself one. Or if you’re driving and you drive in a way that’s least inconvenient for other drivers, because you’re uncomfortable with other people feeling anything other than pleasant about you.

You need to understand that actively being considerate isn’t normal behavior to most people. Most people DO NOT THINK THIS WAY. So when they see you being considerate, 90% of the time they are viewing your kindness as weakness. This is unacceptable.

To fit in better with society, you need to do what everyone else does –

Don’t be considerate.

And it’s ultimately the healthiest thing to do for yourself too.

So when you go about your day, constantly remind yourself “don’t be considerate”.

This doesn’t mean you will go out and shit all over people. It doesn’t need to be like that.

Telling yourself “don’t be considerate” should act as a filter to remove all of your people-pleasing tendencies in your daily life. That way you don’t get taken advantage of.

Don’t get that extra coffee for your coworker.

Don’t give attention to everyone who tries to interact with you.

Don’t be considerate.

And people won’t look at you negatively if you aren’t a considerate person, because it’s actually very normal. People don’t expect you to be overly nice to them, if at all.

Actively being considerate is you doing the most and it’s something that’s been pushed upon you. And even if you’re not doing it for acceptance, and you’re only doing it out of altruism, it doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter how you see it. What matters is how others see it. And if it makes you look gullible, naive, and weak, then people will take advantage of you. Many personalities are inclined to do that.

~

Next, you need to take inventory of the people in your life. This simple exercise will easily help you filter out the toxic people in your life.

I want you to think of all the people in your life that you spend time with. Now, on a scale of one to five, I want you to rate how you feel based on your interactions with these people.

5 and 4 means that you want to be around them, they are inspiring, they make you feel good, and it’s obviously a healthy relationship.

3 is neutral. This is like talking to a cashier at the store. There’s nothing there. It’s a simple, harmless interaction that neither lifts or lowers your mood.

2 and 1 means that you feel poorly around them. Their presence makes you feel negative, they undermine you, they make you feel you are beneath them, it’s objectively a horrible, one-sided relationship.

If you are dealing with anyone who is a 1 or 2. You need to drop them. Now. You need to “doorslam” these people immediately. These people are low-value and they only take value. These people can only look like they have something to offer. But they don’t. Any air of superiority they may have is absolutely unfounded. And more often than not, they are absolute liars.

All that toxicity isn’t worth it.

I’ll say it again – all that toxicity isn’t worth it.

I’ll go so far to say that they are the reason you aren’t as far ahead in life as you should be. Drop them. Drop them for good.

When it comes to 4’s and 5’s, absolutely keep them around. In fact, chances are, when you aren’t in a mood, you are a 4 or 5 yourself. These people are high-value and they give value like you.

Most times, the only thing keeping you from being a high-value person, is the low-value person you keep letting into your life.

But what if that low-value person is the only person you have?

Then we need to have a discussion about loneliness.

The hard truth about being an INFJ is that you will be lonely. If you are frequently lonely, like I see on the INFJ reddit, you need to come to the realization that it’s your natural being.

And I understand how that can be depressing. But it’s only depressing when you don’t accept it. After you accept it as a natural part of your existence, you can only feel better about it.

Besides, if you’ve had any of the issues I’ve mentioned above – a lack of boundaries, excessive consideration for others, and exposure to toxic people – then there’s a very high chance that you don’t know who you are.

At least, not as well as you should. By being alone, accepting what you are, you will learn about your likes and dislikes.

And I understand that being a big-picture personality makes you care less about the details, but if those details have to do about learning your own personal preferences, I think it’s best to take some time being alone and figure out what your preferences are.

Another important reason why you should be alone is that you might be codependent. Most INFJ’s are.

If you remember the basics of boundaries then you’ll recall the phrasing:

Do what’s your responsibility
Don’t do what’s not your responsibility

Right now, you get to really emphasize what is your responsibility. By spending a LOT of time alone you will free yourself from codependency. You can also give yourself time to heal yourself from any resentment you may have.

~

Something you may want to experiment with is something called Grey Rock.

Grey Rock is actually a technique you’d use on a narcissist to get them to leave you alone over time. You basically make yourself as boring as possible. Giving one word responses, being very aloof, pretending not to listen, etc.

I mention narcissism because I believe everyone is on a narcissistic spectrum. INFJ’s tend to be on the less narcissistic side of the spectrum.

If you are currently very wary of people, I’d recommend you approach new people with the grey rock technique. At least until they get the impression that you aren’t someone they can take advantage of. And until you get the impression that they don’t have a pathology that’d clash against yours.

It’s not the most social way of meeting people, but if you’re already someone who is a lone wolf, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

If you’ve been burned enough times, you’ll do something similar to this already. Where you’ll wear a hardened face and be very judgmental of others. Which is good! Be judgmental! You should do it for your own sake.

People who condemn people for judging others are unhealthy shallow thinkers that happen to be morons.

~

Next, thing you should know –

Don’t overshare! Oversharing could be discussing your deepest ideas or sharing too much about yourself. Don’t do this with just anyone and don’t do it while you’re dating.

An INFJ is intrigued by interesting ideas because we are deep thinkers. However! Most people are not deep thinkers. Most people are shallow thinkers. They are scared off by deep thought.

You need to meet people on their level and keep things light. Talk about what’s going on in the moment. Share observations about the environment or what you’re doing. People like to talk about food for some reason too, that’s light.

You also want to avoid giving advice to anyone who doesn’t ask. Some personalities are all talk, and don’t want any input on things they know damn well they won’t do anything about.

So remember those boundaries, remember not to be so considerate, and don’t help people with advice they didn’t ask for.

Don’t cast pearls before swine.

~

Shame and guilt-tripping someone into following your ideals is abusive and undermines their free will.

Anyone who shames and guilts you is easily a 1 or 2 when you rate your interactions with them on a scale of one to five.

Drop them.

Because shaming and guilt-tripping you is not about making you do the right thing. It never is. Guilt and shame is about making you do what they want.

Unacceptable.

But this is also there for any INFJ’s or people who have done this to others. This is wrong, and you know it.

I hope you have the ability to self-reflect and not do it again.

~

Finally, you should ignore a lot of mainstream advice.

Keep in mind that you are a rare personality. You shouldn’t consider all of the advice out there.

For example, ignore any self-development books that encourage giving value. Trust me, you give enough value naturally by your very nature. Ignore that advice, at best, it will not help you.

You should also reevaluate dating advice. It sucks seeing that there’s dating advice that shuns people who have had a toxic relationship.

After learning more about personality types, I think that puts good people who don’t know any better in a very bad position.

I understand how a person who only finds themselves in toxic relationships can be an obvious red flag. But how about the person with a high empathy personality? How can they know what they don’t know?

But whatever.

Overall, I’d say be more careful about mainstream advice. Some of it may not apply to your personality type.

I’ve even noticed some real companies actually prey upon people with social introverted personalities, by telling them they are broken, so the naive person can pay them to be fixed.

Just be careful is all I’m saying. Don’t be fooled by these marketing dynamics.

That’s not to say you can’t improve yourself. You definitely can. But your personality is your given foundation to build upon.

Next is Part 3, where I talk about Introverted Thinking.

Part Three: Introverted Thinking

Intro

This is part three of the INFJ primary functions, here to help out anyone who is INFJ or anyone with a similar personality. You’ll learn the good, the bad, the ugly, and how to fix any weaknesses so you can better navigate through this world.

What is Introverted Thinking?

Introverted thinking is what allows you to create a framework for how everything is connected. This is what allows you to be very logical, analytical, very objective. Which makes you capable of discernment, something that most people are incapable of doing. This makes you a truth-seeker with high discernment because you want to know how everything works.

On top of that, an INFJ will typically have higher conscientiousness, which can mean a strong work ethic, high reliability, and orderliness. This high level thinking and high conscientiousness also makes the INFJ a seeker of efficiency.

Pair these qualities with the empathy and intuitiveness of the other primary functions, and you’ll notice that the INFJ will speak with precise language and favor correct communication when possible.

What you need to know

An INFJ can often have severe tunnel vision when working on something that requires mental effort. Because of this, they are prone to something called “Learned Irrelevance”. Meaning that if something doesn’t seem to really ‘fit’ the project you’re working on, you may brush it off entirely.

This can make you very stubborn and prone to neglect other things that need your attention. This sort of “obsessiveness” makes it easy for the INFJ to strain their relationships. Since they have trouble being in the moment, and think a lot about their high expectations for the future.

One thing that I want to point out that relates to this is building a venture. Because you’re prone to obsess on a project and be blind to the obvious, I do need to say this bluntly –

If you start a venture and you don’t see any type of growth by the end of 6 or 8 months, shut the venture down and move onto the next thing. This is something I learned much later than I should’ve, so I’m telling you now to save you your valuable time.

It’s really important that you do this. From what I’ve gathered, when it comes to success from other people, yeah there’s no such thing as an overnight success. Sometimes it takes 1 year, five years, 10 years for something to work out but the key word is something.

And if you don’t really don’t see any type of growth within six months. That’s not something that’s going to make it.

This is the journey. This is the five year, 10 year overnight journey. You got to find something that works and you gotta keep trying.

Nothing in six months? Kill it. Shoot it in the fucking head. Save yourself your time. It’s very important. Because I’ve personally stuck myself with some things far longer than necessary.

I don’t want to say it’s a waste of time. Because there is something there. But yeah, your time is valuable. I’m telling you that right now.

So I’m making a hard rule for you. If you don’t see any type of growth by the end of six months, kill it.

If you don’t want to kill it, keep it around, but move your bigger efforts onto something else and build something else real quick.

From what I’ve noticed, if something’s going to be successful, you’re gonna know within six months.

Next thing you need to know – Since you are a deep thinker, when you share your ideas, people will tell you that you think too much.

However, in my personal experience, whenever someone tells me “I’m overthinking it”, it usually means I’m on the right track.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that most of the time when someone tells me that “I’m overthinking it”, it means that that person did something wrong, and that phrase is an attempt to gaslight me and hide the truth.

So understand that as long as you’re not being neurotic, you’re “overthinking” is a gift.

Because to you, overthinking is simply thinking – and many people are actually shallow thinkers who are incapable of doing this. They believe thinking is overthinking the same way a obese person thinks walking is exercise.

When it comes to negative overthinking, I want to quickly point out two concepts that you will alleviate those of you who may be more neurotic:

One, you need to understand that you can’t control what another person does. If a person wants to do something, nothing you do will stop them from putting themselves in a position where that can happen. This applies to people, but it feeds into this bigger, more important piece of advice:

If you can’t control something, and the outcome is out of your hands, don’t worry about it. When something is out of your hands, the burden of worry shouldn’t lie on you, let it lie with a higher power that you concede to.

Second quick thought is that NOT EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD IS MEANT TO MAKE SENSE. Although thinking about “the way the world works” is addicting, you need to understand that the ultimate reality can’t be comprehended by anyone. The human mind is incapable of it.

The last thing I want to talk about is the Ni-Ti loop. This is what happens when you think and ruminate too much in isolation and lose touch with reality.

As an INFJ you like to collect information and process through your many, many thoughts. Over time these thoughts that are bottled up inside need to find a way out.

Ideally, you have someone that you can bounce these ideas off of who can provide some sort of support or feedback on your thoughts. This can be a close friend, trust family member, therapist, whatever.

I actually like to think of this need as the INFJ form of narcissism. Where we need this interaction as our own form of narcissistic supply. Since I’m a believer that everyone is on a narcissistic spectrum – similar personalities being less narcissistic and with more empathy.

The problem is that, when you don’t have someone to share your ideas with, you’re ideas can actually fuck with your idea of reality.

I’m actually guilty of this more recently when it comes to my writing. Since right now there is a bug going around, the best way for me to express my thoughts is through my writing, which I feel aren’t entirely wrong, but definitely a result of some rumination before I got myself in a better place.

This is why INFJ’s tend to become writers. It gives them the chance to say what they think.

The worst possible situation is probably being isolated and stuck with a narcissist, while stuck in an Ni-Ti loop. The gaslighting and mental abuse can easily drive you into insanity.

I don’t recommend it. However, I do recommend you go through Parts One and Two if you haven’t already so you can be better prepared to spot and evade toxic people, so you can live healthier and be happier.

That’s it for Part Three. Next is Part Four where we’ll talk about the INFJ’s Inferior Extraverted Sensing.

Part Four: Extraverted Sensing

Intro

This is part four of the INFJ primary functions, here to help out anyone who is INFJ or anyone with a similar personality. You’ll learn the good, the bad, the ugly, and how to fix any weaknesses so you can better navigate through this world.

What is Extraverted Sensing?

Since Inferior Extraverted Sensing is the least developed function, we all experience it somewhat differently. But the general consensus is that we have trouble “being in the moment” and truly utilizing our full senses because we are almost constantly inside of our own heads.

If you go online and get into people’s testimonies of poor extraverted sensing, you might notice that most of their shortcomings are actually more likely negative byproducts of their more dominant primary functions.

For example, despising minor inconveniences, such as having to get an oil change or needing to brush your teeth, would actually be a negative byproduct of the qualities that come with introverted intuition or introverted thinking. This refers to “learned irrelevance” and the desire to be in flow state.

I think more accurate issues stemming from Inferior Introverted Sensing would be not noticing things that are right in front of you, having a poor sense of direction, or not feeling at one with the body.

I’ll get to my biggest tips on developing your Extraverted Sensing, but first I want to address another shortcoming other people have mentioned:

Binging and addiction. People say that this is related to poor extraverted sensing. I want to offer my two cents and say that people have addictions and binge because they want to feel some sort of fulfillment. I want to refer back to Part 2 when I mentioned that you want to spend time alone so you can learn to become less codependent on certain people. I think the same strategy can be applied here. Except you want to become less codependent on improper consumption. I believe people are afraid of loneliness because it makes them feel empty. But the truth is, they need to get comfortable with being alone. I believe people feel the desire to needlessly consume because they are afraid to feel empty. My advice would be to lean into the emptiness. There is power in accepting emptiness. Because once you can accept it and sit in it, you are no longer codependent on those things that you give your power over to. So don’t think of emptiness as a dark, black void, instead think of emptiness as a white, purifying fire.

What you should do

To help yourself get in touch with your body, I’d suggest doing regular physical exercise. Specifically because if you feel any soreness or even minor aches the day following a workout, it can serve as a sort of physical grounding technique because you can’t help but feel at least a bit aware of these physical sensations. When you have muscles to flex, you also can’t help but to feel in touch with the flexed parts of your body.

Personally, I’d recommend weightlifting since you’ll be able to intentionally target different muscle groups. You’ll also get incredible blood flow if you perform barbell squats, which I guarantee will leave you sore if you haven’t been working out, as well as boost your mood during the day.

You should also sit in saunas and take cold showers. Moreso on taking cold showers since the initial shock to the body can definitely bring you into the moment.

You should also read up on body language and use what you know when observing people in public. When you know the intricacies of body language, people-watching becomes a fun game that gets you out of your head. It helps develop your extraverted sensing, as well as your social skills and intuition.

Finally, you need to understand this very important concept:

More Mind = Less Life.

Less Mind = More Life.

You need to understand this concept because you don’t want to go through your whole life “observing how the game is played, but never actually playing”.

It’s absolutely crucial that you learn how to get out of your head and into the moment. You want to experience reality, and this very moment that you’re missing is the most ultimate reality you’re gonna get. Because nothing, and I mean nothing exists behind or beyond THIS. VERY. MOMENT.

I know that might sound confusing, but here me out. I want you to be able to tap in to the moment.

Understand that you have 5 senses – sight, taste, hearing, smell, and touch. And lets say your sixth sense is your mind. You need to learn how to set your mind aside and only pay attention to your 5 other senses.

Here’s a great example of what you’re missing that you can hopefully understand.

Do you remember walking into Best Buy a few years ago and seeing tv screens showing off 4K or Blu-ray for the first-time, and what you saw looked “realer than real life”?

Well, actually, if you learn to set your mind aside and focus on just your vision, you’ll notice that real life looks Blu-ray/4K already. But you need to pay attention.

For example, right now if you look at the back of your hand and really focus on your eyesight, you can notice your vision change. Your vision looks more detailed and realistic.

If you do this successfully, you’ll notice how time has slowed, you are more in your eyes than in your head, and you notice a subtle release of pressure from your head, Like you’ve loosened your mind’s grip on you.

This is how most other people see the world.

And you’ve been missing it.

You can train yourself to have a stronger extraverted sensing for all of your senses. And I suggest you use a timer to give yourself permission to set your mind aside for a given time.

Start at one minute, then two, then 5, 30, an hour, and so on. Work your way up until you can do it nearly on-command.

I find that the easiest way to do this, mind willing, is to narrate aloud what you feel, hear, see, and smell. Become as aware as possible.

Become aware of your body sitting in your chair. The ceiling fan spinning in the background. The details that are in your vision. The smells that sneak their way to you.

You have enough mind.

You deserve to experience more life.

That’s it for Part Four.

Next I’ll be talking about various topics related to the INFJ. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to let me know. If I see enough questions, I’d be happy to make more of these to answer them.

Part Five: Additional INFJ Stuff

Should an INFJ go into sales? I personally went into sales because I know I have high conscientiousness. Sales lets you make more money the harder you work. But I also went into sales because I had social anxiety that I wanted to fix. Before, I would recommend that everyone go into sales. But now, not so much. Only because the salesperson stereotype does hold up. Most salespeople are people-exploiters, as opposed to people-builders. If you aren’t a more experienced INFJ, you can be taken advantage of in the workplace. So I actually now advise against it. However, if something in you compels you to go into the field, then I highly recommend Zig Ziglars – Secrets to Closing the Sale. It will get you in the correct headspace to pursue sales, after you get over a few minor bumps while in the profession.

How to help INFJ symptoms of depression? I’m no doctor or therapist, but there are two nootropic supplements that I recommend. I personally like to use the 5-HTP supplement. Whenever I use it, I get the feeling that ‘everything is going to be okay’. Another obscure supplement is called N-A-C, or N-Acetyl-Systaine, which I recommend if you’re deep in the blues. Of course, consult your doctor, do your research. Try them out and see if they help. My personal resource for nootropic supplements is aboutnootropics.com if you want to learn a bit more about some of this stuff. But by all means google and do your research. You can find these supplements on amazon or on the shelves of your local drugstore. I’d love to talk more about this stuff, since it’s kinda my thing, but I’m trying to stay on the topic of INFJ.

How to get rid of social anxiety as an INFJ? This is why I recommend going into sales, or any job where you’ll talk to hundreds of people face-to-face in the course of a year. By the end of a couple hundred, you’ll feel a lot better about social situations. On top of that, part of getting older is becoming more comfortable in your own skin. So over time you’ll become less insecure anyways. But the real answer is exposure therapy and finding little tricks, like I mentioned before, to make things easier for you.

I just found out I’m INFJ and I’m older, how do I make up for lost time? The typical INFJ will be sort of a lone wolf and in many ways will be a late bloomer. Just accept that you’re a late bloomer and try to wear it without shame. Something I want to point out is that, wherever you are now, and however you feel about it – in two years, it won’t matter. So long as you’re working your way up. And you might say, “But Richard, you don’t understand! I’m already 27, I’m almost 30”, well dude, you’re also almost 25. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Everyone grows “in different ways and in different days”. Work on what you know you should be doing, and in 2 years, your current situation won’t even matter anymore. The same applies to you if you’re older. Chances are, toxic people have been holding you back. And if you want the truth – toxic people can undermine your being and actually retard your growth. Trauma literally reshapes your brain. So embrace being a survivor. Embrace being a late bloomer. And embrace being an INFJ. Then stand tall with your head held high, and keep moving forward.

What should be my purpose as an INFJ? Lean into what you are. You build people up. You help people. You don’t need a purpose at all. But if you feel the need to have one – then decide on a purpose that revolves around helping people. It can be a job or career, but it doesn’t have to be. Everybody needs to pay their bills. But you can pursue your purpose outside of employment. Just don’t allow it to put you in a position that is weak. You can build a platform, work on a cause, help people through your work. Whatever it may be. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting to make a positive change in people’s lives as your purpose. Just be smart about how you want to do it.

And I think that’s all I have to talk about. And I really hope someone out there got something out of this. And I hope it reaches anyone out there who needs to hear this.

Until next time,

Your brother.