The following blog posts were written on my original blog over five years ago. This article is part of my 37 Life Lessons From My Youth Series. Note: I've matured a lot since then and my "voice" has changed since. Enjoy.
Here’s how and why you should be gifting, no strings attached.
How to Give a Gift
You should gift someone purely because you want to.
No strings attached.
Buying someone something or giving them a present with the intent of guilting them into your favor isn’t something you want to do.
That’s manipulation – which is helpful in certain cases. But for the purposes of this post, gifting is meant to build friendly relationships and brotherhood.
In cases where you are specifically trying to instill guilt, the receiver can always drop you from their social circle. Sunk cost.
When you do want to gift someone, approach with the mindset of:
Set it and forget it.
You’re doing it because you want to.
You respect the person. So you want to do it. Then you do it. Then you move on.
Have no expectations of reciprocation.
Why You Give a Gift: It Builds the Relationship & it Builds Respect
When you give someone a gift, you’re showing that you have appreciation for that person.
You’re also showing that person that you have their back.
If you’ve ever found yourself short on cash while out with the guys and one of them tells you not to worry, and picks up your tab. That person has effectively shown you that he has your back.
So long as you’re not a real piece of work, you know to show him respect because he has chosen to share his resources with you.
In return, you make your best efforts to return the favor. Not out of guilt or some weird feeling of spite.
You return the favor to show that you have his back too.
Showing that you both have each other’s back builds the relationship.
You respect someone who will reach out to take some care of you. When you reciprocate this, they respect you in return.
The act of giving to someone shows that you are on their level. This cultivates respect.
I’ve been in the position where friends have paid for my meals. It’s a humbling experience at times.
Although it feels good to be helped. It feels better to return the favor.
Of course, sometimes there is only so much a person can do to return the favor. I’ve been broke multiple times in my young adult years. I still made the attempt to return the favor.
Even if it takes you weeks to muster up some extra cash, try to return the favor.
Don’t worry if it seems too late to return the favor.
Low-key: many people won’t forget that favor they did for you.
Gifting Warning
Only return the favor and give to another person because you genuinely want to.
If the person is being a nuisance and is constantly using ‘that one time’ to one-up you or put you down. Drop him/her.
In instances like this, guilt is a slave feeling – and they want you to really feel it.
Don’t bother returning the favor. Just cut off contact.
ALSO
You should only be gifting to people you feel relatively close to. People you spend regular time with.
Don’t be the person who always tries to buy their way into other people’s good side. It shouldn’t cost you money for people to like you around.
Know when people are using you.
If they won’t make it up to you after the second or third time you gift to them. Stop gifting to them.
Know when you’re being used and stand against it.
Whether the other person is trying to feel superior to you or using you, don’t take it personally. You don’t need people like that in your life anyway. Drop contact and don’t look back.
Here are Cheap and Easy Ways to Gift
The easiest, laziest way to gift to one of your own is to simply pick up the tab during a meal out.
Quick and easy.
A more thoughtful approach would be:
- Learn their birthday
- Learn their interests
- Buy some neat, cheap gifts for them off wish.com based from step 2
- Deliver the gift(s) around the day you learned from step 1
Wish.com has a bunch of really neat, quality items that you can purchase off of their app or site.
Simply invest $10 in purchasing some goods off of the site and gift it to your friend or colleague when their birthday, or other appropriate day, comes around.
$10 can get you a few presents.
You’ll want to order these gifts up to 2 months in advance since they’re coming from Asia.
Final Checkpoint
Only gift to other people when you genuinely want to. Don’t do it because you feel it is expected of you or the other person is pressuring you. Have no expectations of reciprocation, that’s what trash people do. No one owes you anything and you don’t owe anyone anything.
When you gift to other people, you build respect for yourself. When people gift to you, you automatically feel respect toward them, unless they’re giving off a sense of neediness. Regardless, when you and a colleague gift each other back and forth, there is mutual respect. This mutual respect builds trust, respect, and brotherhood.
However, beware that you are not being used or mistreated. Don’t be afraid to cut contact from these types of people. They only think of themselves – which serves no purpose in building a brotherhood or a circle of friends/colleagues. There is no sense of equal respect in their eyes.
In conclusion, I have provided two methods to help gift toward your fellow person, even if you’re strapped for cash. One requiring more investment than the other. But the payoff of having mutual respect makes this worth it.
P.S. Gifting works best on a one-on-one basis. Buying a good-willed brother his meal when he can’t afford it creates admiration towards you. Buying a room-full of friends pizza catches no one’s eye, since it makes no one person feel special.
