The following blog posts were written on my original blog over five years ago. This article is part of my 37 Life Lessons From My Youth Series. Note: I’ve matured a lot since then and my “voice” has changed since. Enjoy.
You grow resentful when you accept disrespect into your life. This strong emotion makes you tense because you relive anger and indignation.
This emotional baggage corrupts the soul. You believe you are owed a debt and it makes you bitter because you want the respect you are owed.
You must learn to build your self-respect so you won’t experience this again. You must also learn to rid yourself of resentment so you can live happier and healthier.
Resentment isn’t easy to shake off. People can live their entire lives consumed in anger and resentment. But the only person they are hurting is themselves.
Forgiveness is a vital skill you must learn for your own mental health. Because it will relieve you of the emotional baggage you hold.
“Forgiveness is letting a person out of a cage. Only to realize, the person in the cage was yourself.”
Here are a few different approaches to help you forgive someone and remedy your resentment:
Acknowledge You Are Not Powerless
You feel anger because of poor treatment. You allowed it because somehow you felt powerless. But you’re not powerless. Remember that you have value if a person feels inclined to control you.
Here is a very cold and angry approach for forgiveness-
Really consider what kind of damage you can actually do to the other person. Whether it be to their private life, work life, property, etc.
Acknowledge the very real possibility that you can harm another person. And that you are capable of violence and anger.
I AM NOT SAYING YOU ACT ON MALICIOUS INTENT.
But that you genuinely choose not to.
From this mental approach you feel empowered. Use this fuel for confrontation if you believe it’s appropriate.
But keep in mind that these thoughts are all about you.
You’re the one with the issue.
Most people aren’t even self-aware enough to know they treated you unfairly.
This approach is meant to make you feel as if you are doing the other person a favor for not delivering harsh retaliation.
It’s definitely not the healthiest approach. But your forgiveness will carry more weight when you’re doing them a favor by not carrying out your intent.
Keep in mind, if you aren’t willing and capable of causing damage, your forgiveness carries no weight. Deep down you know this can’t be faked.
Have Gratitude Towards That Person
Gratitude is a tool you can use to close emotional debt. For example, if someone does a favor for you, chances are you’ll want to give back.
So put it this way –
In the grand scheme of things, everyone in your life helps you become the person you need to be.
In some way, everyone is a reflection of yourself. This means there is always something to learn from another person. Something you need to build in yourself.
This person you feel resent towards has helped you realize that you need to make some changes to become the person you need to be.
These realizations have caused you to become a stronger person. That’s why you must show thanks:
I thank this person for showing me that I was a pushover.I thank this person for showing me the signs of an untrustworthy person.
You don’t have to thank them to their face. Simply keep a mental note of their role in your life. It’s their purpose in your world.
Use this gratitude is to close that emotional debt.
Let Time Do Its Thing
I spoke with an ex-correctional officer (CO) the other day. He told me a story about an inmate who tried to kill another CO.
This CO severely mistreated the inmate to a breaking point.
The inmate spoke of his murder attempt as “God’s Will” and he felt responsible for “delivering the message” to the CO.
He wanted the CO to feel the consequences for mistreating him. He was to deliver the CO’s death.
I’m not saying the inmate’s thought process is correct.
“Karmically” it can make sense –
Resentment is a duty that has been bestowed upon you to deliver God’s Will.
The idea is that resentment poisons your soul when you deny your duty. The feeling only goes away when the duty is fulfilled or given to someone else.
When the resentment evaporates, you are no longer obligated to carry out “God’s Will”. You missed your chance.
That’s a sick, fun way of looking at it. But let’s be real, eventually you’re gonna forget all about it.
That’s a beauty of life. Aside from the side-effect of aging, after about two years it just doesn’t matter anymore.
Whether or not you’ve truly forgiven or not doesn’t matter. You’ve forgotten.
What are other ways to approach forgiveness?
Resentment is an emotional issue. There are different ways to emotionally rectify the situation.
I showed you only three ways you can go about it:
- Get angry and choose to act or not act
- Be grateful and choose to thank
- Be “spiritual” and let time do its thing
Resentment is a learning experience, albeit a painful one. But what matters is that you rid yourself of resentment.
Because the day you realize you can let it go is the day you will realize how light you truly are.
One day you’re gonna tell yourself:
“I’ve been holding onto this baggage long enough”,
and you will put it down.
Until next time.
Your brother,
- Rich
