The following blog posts were written on my original blog over five years ago. This article is part of my 37 Life Lessons From My Youth Series. Note: I've matured a lot since then and my "voice" has changed since. Enjoy.
"Don't you trust me?"
I’ve heard this phrase multiple times. From untrustworthy family and friends to cheating ex-girlfriends.
In my personal experience, whenever anyone says "Don't you trust me?", they are doing something that they shouldn't.
I also noticed that I’ve never felt compelled to ask anyone that question before.
My current girlfriend tells me it’s because nobody feels any reason not to trust me.
That’s a funny answer, because I knew she was lying.
I know she thinks I'm seeing other women behind her back. But like most women, she doesn't want to bring it up aside from ‘joking’ about it.
However plenty of people are fantastic at lying. Never showing their darker side to you until it’s too late.
But to this day that phrase still bugs me.
She asked me once, “Don’t you trust me?”.
My response: “I trust you a healthy amount. You know I don’t have to trust you if I don’t want to”.
That answer is savage. But it’s because I’ve learned a few things about this phrase:
When people tell you:
Don't You Trust Me?
It's to shame you into trusting them
Of course, this isn't always the case. But you need to listen to your gut. And I'll explain why:
If people are trying to shame you, they want you to believe that what you’re doing is wrong.
If you already have a moral compass, then you’re intellectually aware of your actions. Whether or not you care is all you.
But this means that if someone shames or guilt trips you, with the purpose of serving themselves - you've got yourself a snake.
You need to drop these kinds of people. They are human garbage.
Because shame isn't about making you do the "right" thing. (It never is).
It's what they use to make you do what they want.
Ultimately, these people who say “don’t you trust me” say that to make you feel bad for accusing them of not being trustworthy.
And no decent person shames people into trusting them.
Yet these snakes will fight for the illusion that they always tell the truth.
And the biggest mistake you can make is trusting a snake:
Because whenever they say something is wrong with you - you will believe it.
If you feel you've been done wrong, they'll convince you otherwise. And you'll believe it.
If you see something that they didn't want you to see, they'll convince you otherwise. And you'll believe it.
If you're a decent person and they're poison, they'll convince you otherwise. And you'll believe it.
It's childish. But I've seen grown men believe anything their wives say. Even when it's clear that their marriage is dirty.
And the worst part?
You forget how to trust yourself.
In psychological terms, this is called gaslighting.
And it breaks you. You have no sense of reality anymore and you have to build it back up.
Snakes Are People, But They're A Different Type of People
I remembered being locked out of my own house by one of them.
I knocked on the door and demanded to be let in.
He opened the door, shouting and spitting on me. And he told me:
“You’re mad!? Huh!? You’re mad!? Punch me right here!"
He pointed at his cheek and shoved his face toward me.
I calmly replied “I’m not even mad”. Because I genuinely wasn't.
And I didn’t punch him like he wanted.
That's another common trait I've found in snakes:
They all try to put you in jail if they can.
In my experience and understanding - if they can get the police to file a report on you. From that point on, they are the victim and you are the bad guy in the eyes of the law.
Despite the opposite being true.
Anything to take zero responsibility for their actions.
It's sociopathic. But that's why you need to get away before it's too late.
Many women these days actually demand that their boyfriends hit them. Typically after they know that they've fucked up.
Trust Doesn't Matter
Imagine how I responded when that snake asked me for money:
"No"
"Don’t you trust me?"
"No"
"Why don’t you trust me?"
That phrase will still come up, even if they've done you dirty before
They will act as if it's never happened. And continue to bleed you dry.
I remember when that phrase "don’t you trust me" used to shut me up.
Before I would say "Of course I trust you."
I shouldn’t have. But since I did, I had to learn this lesson the hard way:
Trust simply doesn't matter.
It's useful to avoid arguments and such.
But whether or not you trust a person isn't going to magically make them not do something they already planned to do.
Hell, it isn't about trust. It's about opportunity.
Final Checkpoint
People like to think that life is simple but everyone is very complex. You will never know what the hell is going on in someone else’s head. And they’re gonna do what they’re gonna do. There’s no controlling that.
Trust, but verify. Better yet, just put yourself in a place where you can stand entirely on your own.
Don’t take it personally. And don’t get mad. It’s what they are.
Because there’s no reason to get mad at a snake for having fangs.
